Well hello there, God. Didn't see you there.

The future seems vague and life piles on. The truth becomes dusty and the battles rarely won. It seems pain is reality and while you forge ahead, each step seems distant and walking is like lead (the metal, duh). The battle rages around you and you scarcely know its toll. Until one day you wake up and feel dull in your soul. Where do you turn from here, what in the world is to be done? Put on your armor. There is a life to be won.

Well, I didn't plan on writing that. God used to allow me to write small poems back years ago, but its been at least 10 since I have. It just came out in a matter of 5 minutes, and I feel it helps to encapsulate where I have been. So. Thanks God. (And Nick Williamson for reminding me that God used to speak to me in poems as well)

This last week in North Carolina was a very wonderful and refining time (not always so wonderful). While I went int to the week physically prepared for what was to come, I didn't head into it mentally or spiritually prepared. I came to remember that these are weeks that God gets my attention on things that I have pushed to the side and He won't let me shove them off any longer. It is great and painful all at the same time.

It came clear in retrospect that I was not pushed to my limit once physically on the trip. I always could have gone more. But the telling point for me was this:

I was standing near the top of the 60ft tower climb and in front of me were 2 ropes with knots. I was told to jump out (a long ways in the air), grab them and climb by Brian (counselor and belayer..guy who has me anchored and roped). I stared at it as it was not my intended route to the top. He yelled "You can do it" and gave a hard tug on the rope that almost sent me off the side. I remember shooting him a look and turning around to take the log pole up the rest of the way.

Thus encapsulates much of my week. And my teachable moment.

I could have, and SHOULD have jumped. Even if I slipped, Brian was there. But I mentally caved and took an easier route. I justified it by telling myself I still took a "harder" route.

But I missed the real challenge.

I look back at that as my defining moment of how I lived the week. Always within my control of what I knew I could do. Keep everything within my control. No risk, no looking like an idiot.

Wow.

And the whole time a war was raging inside to push, push, push and break that. While I resisted, fought and acted like a little kid.

Needless to say, much will be taken from this trip. I am grateful for the conversations that challenged me and the lives that were touched this week. I cannot wait to go back and live this week differently next year.

But most importantly, I know how I am going to live THIS adventure, THIS life. I am ready to live intentionally and on purpose. Fear will not rule. I will jump for the rope.

I don't want to miss a minute of what God has in store.