The Poison of Comparison

There it was.

I read the words and I felt that burn in my stomach.

Insecurity crept in like a fox.  Sly and almost unnoticed.  Until it pounced.

It had been happening for some time.  Anxiety, worry, unsettledness.
Stress.

I had begun second guessing my decision, my relationships, my work.  Am I good enough?  Should I be doing this?  Is this the right?  I am just going to fail.  SOMEONE will figure out I am a fraud.  I don't have what this person has.  I can't do that.  They think THIS (fill in the blank) of me.

The voices in my head rolled on and on.  Day after day.  Week after week.

Finally one night,  standing at the island in my kitchen,  God spoke.

STOP IT!

Wait. What?

STOP.  NOW.

In a flash,  I was shaken out of the world I was living in and brought back to reality.  God's voice in my head immediately spoke truth.

"You have allowed the enemy a foothold.  And that foothold is the poison of comparison."

It seemed so small.
A nudge to stay on your game.  Watching Facebook to see what everyone else is doing so I could plan my moves and make necessary changes to stay sharp.  Reading the books of those that have made it big.  All seeming to give glory to God.  So what was so wrong?

Soon the words I would read planted seeds of doubt instead of faith.  A small whisper of "You can't do that.  You don't have what it takes" started settling in as the overtone of my thoughts as I watched what others were doing.  Pangs of insecurity became more constant.  Sleep became more fleeting.

I. Felt. Horrible.

It is amazing how Satan is so good at luring us into the darkness.  The drive for success and what is good can so easily go sideways.  Truth gets lost.  What you DON'T have becomes center stage.  What you do have becomes minimized.  And you go down the rabbit hole.  A slippery, dark journey to defeat.

It's not just in the determination to "become better" that this happens. It happens when you look in the mirror…see the gray hair (loss of hair), wrinkles, the sag here, or there..  And watch the commercials that tell you "this" will make you happy.  It's when you look at how the "Jones" live.  It's the car someone else drives.  It's the house they have.  It's the weight they don't have. You name it.  Satan will use it against you.

That is why this scripture is so important:

2 Corinthians 10:5

5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

How easily I forgot this. Don't we all from time to time?
When you hear those whispers (or screams) that lie and attempt to drag you down into that dark, defeating dungeon, remember 2 Corinthians 10:5. Then combat those lies with truth.

1 Peter 2:9 

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

Colossians 2:13-14 
When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross.

2 Corinthians 5:17-21 
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.

Ephesians 2:10

For we are God's masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He has planned for us long ago.

YOU ARE UNIQUE. NO ONE has been created to do EXACTLY WHAT YOU CAN DO.

This world needs you. It needs you at your very best. Take every thought captive. Live in the reality of the truth. Allow yourself to be poured out for His Kingdom. And just wait. This life. YOUR life.. will be better than you ever dreamed.


Guaranteed.

Your Future is in God's Hands, Not Mans!

Today I was hit with perspective.

Ever have those days where you sit down, look back and can make sense of what has happened over a period of time.  My case, years.

I am not really sure where to start, so let's dive right into the middle.

The last two ministry experiences prior to Van Dyke Church were..well.. less then ideal.  Ever been in a place where things don't click?  You just don't fit?  It wears you out.  I cannot explain the frustration of how misunderstood I felt.  Consistently.
The defeat almost drove me out of ministry.

Crazy thing. In the middle of it all, God's voiced these steady words: "Stay the course."

Really?   I don't think so.  But God's words didn't waver.

It's an interesting thing that happens as you are forced to press into the Father.  Your fear of man begins to disappear.  A confidence in the providence of God replaces the fear and peace enters.  While situations may not change, you most definitely do.

Long story short, I went away for 2 days to fast and pray.  I knew God was preparing a new season for me, and my family.  Sure enough, it was so.

Within months, we moved 1600 miles away from Iowa to Florida.
A town of 30,000 to an area of over 3,000,000.
A church of 250 to a church of 2,000.

Overwhelming?  Yes.
Easy?  Oh, heck no.

I would like to say that my last 5 years have been all fun and prosperity.  But anyone that knows us knows differently.   Everyone jokes that if we didn't have bad luck, we wouldn't have any luck at all.
It became clear: The enemy DOES. NOT. WANT. US. HERE.

But God does.  Now, it would take too long to tell you all that our pastor, his family, the staff, and the congregation have done for us.  Just take my words for it.  Immeasurable and incredible.

Today I had the opportunity to sit down with my pastor for what I call a "Future Check".  We looked over the last 5 years of ministry, college/young adult.  Good, bad, missed opportunities.  Changed lives. Promotion, Student Ministries.  Tremendous changes, new directions, lots of work, missed sleep.  Fresh start, growth begins, new life.

A lot has transpired over the last 5 year.  And my church has given me more opportunity to succeed than ever before. Now what's next?  This is where it hit me.  We know my past. I wanted to see the possibilities of my future.  This is where my mind was blown.

Talking about my future, I was affirmed of my gifts, talents and abilities.  I was able to hear that not only was I not a screw-up, but I am exactly the opposite.  I have been faithful and very successful with the opportunities given to me.  Praise God!  (My prayer is consistently "Lord, don't let me screw this up!")

I was also given the opportunity to peak in the doorway of what is to come.
The glimpse of what I saw was beyond my expectations.  I could hardly believe it.

How is it that I went from "ready to step away from ministry-not seemingly able to do much right", to running towards bigger dreams than I could have imagined?

Simple answer:  Trust God, don't fear man.  And don't let anyone tell you your worth or value aside from God!

In the times of defeat (which was pretty consistent for a while), I had a choice.  Turn away from God, or lean into Him.  I chose the latter...most of the time ;-)  He stayed faithful regardless.  I learned to not fear man, but trust in God.  His plans are not mine..my life will not go as expected.  It will be harder that I think.  I will want to quit. But I will stay the course.

And it will be MORE than worth it.

God is more interested in who I am becoming than my comfort level.  I was in Iowa, I faced fire.  I moved to Florida, I faced more/different fire.   Fire hurts.  Fire refines.  Fire allows molding. Fire is necessary.

I have stayed the course. (an adventurous fiery one at that!)

And the future is bigger than I dreamed!

Things are GROWING!!

Spring is here, and things are GROWING!!

No, not in an agricultural sense.  A spiritual sense.  And it's EXCITING!!

For 5 years I have worked at Van Dyke, watched lives changed and toiled, toiled, toiled.  Sometimes it seemed as though the time I put in almost wasn't worth the results.  In October of 2011,  I was given the honor and task of heading up the entire Student Ministries area of our church. (middle school-young adult).  I will spare details, but it was quite a task, lots of history and tons of work.

In the last couple of weeks, I finally have seen the fruit of the time as well as the Holy Spirit doing some incredible things.  To give you a glimpse, check out our pastor's latest entry in his blog:

www.matthewhartsfield.com

And this blog only scratches the surface.

We are excited for what God is doing here!  And the best is yet to come.

Welcome to the NEW Student Ministries at Van Dyke Church!

I want to keep this as a reminder...

Ever have those times when someone says something to you, or as in this case, posts on your Facebook wall something that stops you dead in your tracks.

This is what happened on my birthday.  I had one of my former students, now a young adult in ministry (YAY!) do such a thing.

I was simply enjoying the birthday wishes from people here and far away (I guess that is one positive of Facebook) when a note from one of my boys, Shven appeared.  Here is what it said:

So this week I've been at YFC (Youth for Christ) Institute being trained and we reflected on those who sowed into our lives as young adults and I got to speak about how a one Todd Leet stepped into my life when I was a hurting youth. It has been nearly a decade since then, but if it weren't for your intervention and love, all that is my life would be gone. So while we embrace the future and celebrate the changes that have happened since then, I hope you get to reflect on the eternal impact your life has made.

Happy birthday!

Love,
Your fellow predestined elect brother (don't hate me) Shvennyboo

I write this for 2 reasons.

1) I never want to lose this.  I have printed it off, it is on my Facebook page and I am placing it here.  

2) I want it to stand as a constant reminder of the eternal significance we play in other people's lives. 

(And side note..He just experienced where I got my start in ministry.  YFC Institute.  Great memories!)

You just never know what or when something will click.  But beyond anything, just loving others has the biggest impact in people's lives.  Love people, get messy.  Make mistakes, give bad advice, royally screw things up.  But be present.  And love.

That is my ministry history, right there.  And if what you just read above is the result.. I will continue to be imperfect.  And love.  With everything I've got. 

Thank you, Jesus, for using screwed-up people for Your purposes.

Now let's go change the world!

Something time doesn't take away

I recently received an e-mail from a friend back north.  She has been leading worship a couple different places and came across some music by Kim Walker.  She was amazed by the freedom and move of God watching her You Tube videos.  (Plus her voice is AMAZING!)

I gathered something got to her during her viewing of those videos.  It's like there is a hunger that is deep within each of us that gets uncovered when we experience something like that.

It made me keenly aware of my deep desire to go to the deeper places.  I have always been wired more that way, but in recent years and my position change, I have been moving more in shepherding staff, leadership development, processes, systems, etc in ministry.  Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE it!

But I also am aware that there is something inside me that wants to just dive deep.  Be a part of something where the move of God is vibrant and alive.  I have found that the general Christian population tends to be a bit skittish of this sort of thing.  As am I. I have experience a lot of garbage in this vein of Christianity.

But when it's real and untainted.  Wow.

Pure.

God, may we come to you and find the pure joy of your presence.  The unhindered pouring out of your Grace in our lives.  Your refreshing touch.  May we worship You with reckless abandon!

In the name of Jesus.

Amen!

What's Important

So here we are, diving into the holidays.

I took a little time off work to spend with the fam (and then got sick).  Of course.  We spent the last 3 days fighting the crud and getting the house in order for staff to come for a Christmas get-together.  In the buying of the gifts, the purchases for the house to get it presentable, the birthdays and such..I lost sight of something.

You see today (Saturday) I wanted nothing more than to rest, sleep, nap, eat and repeat.  But I volunteered to be a Pastor at the Prayer Chapel at Metropolitan Ministries this afternoon. http://www.metromin.org

I really did not want to do this, but felt it necessary when asked.  I really just wanted stay home with the family and relax.  But then something happened.

I was semi-watching a Christmas movie that Jennifer had recorded. I could not tell you the name, other than it was done in early 2000's and runs the vein of the Hallmark movies (but just better acting).  At the end a statement was made that caught my attention:

"Possibly the worth of a man is not the size of his bank account, but rather the size of his heart."

That hit me.

Yes.  That is true.  That statement resonates with me.  Is that not why I do what I do?  Is that not what my heartbeat has been for as long as I can remember?  At what point have I lost that truth?  When did it become surviving, doing what I want and allowing my heart and life to be numbed by the worldly and selfish desires?

So here lies a life statement for me:

"The worth of a man IS NOT the size of his bank account, but rather the size of his heart."

May I stay true to that way of life.

I cannot wait to see what God does today at Metro Min.

Has it been since MAY?

Well then.

This summer got away from us, addition to the family, addition of a new home, life in general gets crazy.

Now I come back and Blogger looks very different.  Very different.  My brain doesn't adjust well anymore to these kinds of things, so bear with me as I attempt to traverse the new "best" thing.

Well, I have lots of thoughts on life, faith and the general direction of all mankind.  But right now I have to work.  I know.

But do what you love.  Then it's a pretty great gig.

Later.